What we have left
by Imperial Throne the country
Summary: A group of children live in The World's Children hospital and all of them will die in the following year. This is the story of Peter's, Eliza's, Alfred's, Matthew's, and Tino's last year.
1. Athazagoraphobia

My name Liam Jones, or as my family calls me Alaska. I am the embodiment of the state, and as I am so small, I am in a small body like a teenager. Now growing up under my dad-America's- care is no easy task. But thank the lord above I have Uncle Mattie to help me out with that problem. You see my dad has a very- _very_ \- bad problem; he can't go five words into a sentence without deep throating three McDonald's meals and pulling out a gun on whoever entitles his, oh so precious, ''free'' government. Hey, Dad go look at our presidential candidates, we're not ''free'', we're fucked.

Not to even mention his relationship with my grandparents, France and most importantly England. Also his relationship, or rather his fear, of my Uncle Russia. To be fair everyone is scared of my Uncle Russia.

I used to live with Russia for a while when I was younger but, he never really talked to me and he pretty much gave me to America in 1867 out of me being of no use to him. Yet even America doesn't talk to me very often either. I don't really do that much nowadays, not that I don't enjoy it but, I usually turn people away from me.

A fun fact about each embodiment, the warmth of our hands is determined by our land masses climate. Seeing as mine is usually cool or extremely cold it usually makes people seem as if I'm a cold person. My uncle faces the same problem a lot too, when you think of a loved one, most people associate that person with warmth and the warmth they bring them. Seeing as all we are is cold, why would someone like a person who only brings the frost in a sun-stained world of love.

All my Uncle Russia seems to bring is crazy women into his life, especially his sisters-dear god the horrors those women have bestowed upon him. Other countries have colder climates like Uncle Mattie but, his exterior is so warm and fluffy you just don't feel intimidated by his presence. The warmth of someone isn't only told by their outside warmth but by their soul star's worth.

I have this silly metaphor on how a soul's can be told apart from each other- by the star it encompasses. Each person has a ball of fire and gasses inside their soul called a star. It grows with a person's feeling and growth, the darker a person they become, the dimmer their star grows. It can grow dark enough to where a black whole is formed sucking all that person has left inside it, until a shell is left behind. On the opposite side of the spectrum are those who grow to become supernovas where light is given to everyone who comes in contact with that soul. A star is formed by not how great that soul see's the world but, by how much that soul loves itself.

But stars can't grow alone, a broken star will help a star only to realize they need to listen to themselves to help them grow. So many broken stars have swallowed themselves and left the space we know, and there is nothing romantic about seeing a star go. It isn't beautiful or something to awe at, it's painful and makes you writhe in your skin.

I got off topic, it's just I used to swallow myself when I realized I was unneeded or wanted by both the people who housed me. But I found new people in my life who I can relate to, by no means am I free of swallowing my warmth and hiding it away. But I find it easier to feel others warmth and appreciate my own flames.

I never actually explained why I was telling this story, it's about me coming to terms with myself and excepting my flames. This was just background information I wanted to let you know about so you don't get confused when I say soul star and go, "What in the fuck is a Soul Star?".


	2. Autophobia

**Autophobia- Fear of being of one self**

I woke up with the sun shining vibrantly into my eyes. I was soon distracted by Alfred's almost snoring sound he was making, it seemed more like heavy breathing really. His throat might be a bit course from crying so much, he was also still holding me against his chest. He was sleeping softly in complete contrast with his character. He's always been a kid with the loudest laughter while his brother Matthew was exact opposite. Even the way they found out and got diagnosed were opposites. Alfred was always so happy, so he covered up his pain with that brightening dishonest smile. Matthew never said anything, he never wanted to be a burden, so he kept his solitude until broken.

They may seem strong on the outside but they're as fragile as glass. Something they get from they're mother, what a woman she is. She has always tried to be strong, but seeing not one but all her children in their last months isn't easy. She even cared for Peter, even though he isn't her son.

Peter is Matthew and Alfred's Half brother as they're related through Dr. Kirkland. I've only ever heard vague stories of what happened but I heard one story that made sense. Dr. Kirkland got drunk after a bad fight with Ms. Bonnefoy and he had a one-night stand with some woman. She gave birth to Peter, left him on Dr. Kirkland's doorstep, and Ms. Bonnefoy hasn't found it in her to forgive him-which I understand.

They got a divorce, but Alfred and Matthew never hated Peter for it. They knew what happened as they were old enough to understand. When Peter first got diagnosed his family came often, that's when I met the twins.

I didn't meet them by being introduced, one day I was playing with Peter in my room and they showed up. We all became good friends because of Peter, which led to me getting to know what was going on in their family. Whenever they're parents got into a fight they would hang out with me as I showed them the hospital. Peter would usually be asleep, so it would be the twins with me most often. They helped me out a lot when I was told I didn't have long to live either.

Alfred made me happy when I was miserable and I could confide in Matthew. Alfred talked to me more often as Matthew has a more close relationship with his mother. I guess that's why Alfred and I are so close now, literally now.

"Tino, are you up?" Alfred was now up and shaking me out of my thoughts. "Ugh, I am now," I groaned out pulling my face up to where I could see him while still laying down. "Time to get up sleepy head," He playfully messed with my hair as I kept trying to slap his hand away to no avail. "But sleep is nice and it doesn't judge me," I sat up and face planted back into my pillow followed by an even louder groan. "What time is it anyway?" He looked toward the clock, "Um, about 8:30." I groaned again, "Then it's too early. It's a Saturday, and by the law of me: I shall never get up on Saturday before 10:00 a.m." Alfred went into a loud laughing fit, "Jeez and I thought I was lazy!" I sat up and crossed my arms, "Oh, fuck you too then." He messed with my hair again as I huffed and kept my arms closed. "You're so cute and innocent, reminds me of when I was little." "I'm older than you!" He crossed his arms and spoke smugly, "Yeah but only be a year, and I'm taller."

I'm at least 4 inches smaller than him, he's always called me smaller than him. It may have pissed me off, but I know he means it as humor. "Hey should we get breakfast?" Alfred asked as he got off the bed, "Sure, and I bet that Eli's there already." He went around the bed and stood in front of me, "Yeah she probably is, now let's go!" He picked me up, put me on his back, and started heading out the door. "Hey! Just because I'm small doesn't mean you get to pick carry me when you like!" I beat on his shoulders but he kept heading to the kitchen. Sure enough Eli was there, but she was talking to her "friend" Roderich. They were good friends when she was in school and now he came to visit her often, as she says.

"Hey love birds! What are you doing out here this early?!" I yelled out at them still on Alfreds back as he walked over to the counter. "Look at yourself Tino! Seems like you and Alfred got pretty close last night!" I may not be able to see his face, but I know Alfred's face is just as red as mine. "This morning I came to wake you up and saw you two in bed and left." She is going to hang this above my head until the end of her life.

I heard snickering after that, it's Matthew. "Mattie, I can hear you!" He kept giggling to himself as he came up to get food, "You guys are just so cute." I turned even more red. Alfred was still grabbing food for both of us when I got off his back and sat at a nearby table.

Alfred and Matthew were talking about something, but I just tuned them out. All I can think about is Peter right now. He probably isn't awake right now, but i still worry. He may not even wake up, he could die any day at this point. I'm just scared for what will happen to his family after that.


	3. Islophobia

**Islophobia- The fear of being alone, solitude**

The next few weeks passed in blurs and some moments I could peace together. Peter was now only allowed to stay in bed at this point. We all spent time with him at different points, none of us loathed it though. We loathed the despair it would bring us, but we always smiled for him.

Dr. Kirkland and Ms. Bonnefoy fought less than often, but when they did, it never ended well. Alfred and Matthew spent their time with Peter so Eli and me were together more often. Eli and I met in a rather funny way- if you consider being diagnosed on the same day funny. Before the twins came along Eli was the person my age I could talk to.

We 'clicked' as people would say because desperateness, no joke. We survived most of our depression together, "Depression is expected." A quote from all of my many doctors, but really, cancer wasn't what caused my depression-it's what's going to be caused by it. Not death, but rather, knowing when you're going to die.

"Yo, Tino, if you're done looking into the distance like it means something, I'm still here, and still bored."

"I know I am too, that's why I'm thinking about important stuff in my head." She scoffed, "Since when have you ever known what something important was?" I turned to her and looked her dead in the eyes, "Since I knew when I was going to die." She turned to the side and crossed her arms, "You don't have to be so rude." I turned to look at the cloud-domed sky, "I'm only speaking the truth."

Eli being Eli decided to change the subject the best way she could, by putting me in her chair. "I swear everyone has a thing for picking me up without permission!" She wheeled outside, "Just shut up and enjoy the outdoors." I slumped in her lap and crossed my arms, "I only like it because it's cloudy and cold right now." She rolled her eyes, "Well yeah, you're Tino, you would practically die if the sun even touched you. You are literally a sheet of paper."v

Well she isn't wrong, being tiny, pale, and skinny (As she says) I was promptly given the nickname sheet of paper.

"Eh, I'm anemic, can't really fix that in a day. Also, you know, the fact I never tan." That's also true, I came from a place where it rarely has any sun, but I liked it. "But it wouldn't kill you to go outside." I spoke in a prestigious tone, "Correction. I would die of a terrible, oh so terrible, death." Eli started rolling us forward again when Alfred and Mattie came outside through a nearby door, Alfred was leading Matthew out by the hand. Alfred looked like he had recently cried while Matthew was still in the process of crying but, something seemed off. Alfred almost looked angry, he looked upset-just more than only sad.

I turn to Eli and whisper in her ear, "Do you think it was a fight?" "Of course it was a fight, but judging on Peter's time left now... don't think it ended well or even at all." I turned back to see the condition of the twins, needless to say they weren't doing well. Mattie was taking that position mostly. They were sitting on a metal bench on the of glass railing. Alfred was trying to talk to Matthew, but not really stopping him from crying. Matthew was just sitting cross-legged on the bench with his head buried his hands. Alfred was trying to talk but I could see he was still trying to be gentle.

I turn to Eli again and whisper, "Should we go talk to them." Eli shook her head and spoke out loud, "You can, you're closer with these two." "Correction again, I'm closer with Alfie, you are closer with Mattie." She looked confused but then laughed as if she came to a funny yet expected realization at the same moment. "Well you got me there little Tino." Ugh, another one of Eli's infamous nicknames-I swear one day I'm going to push her off that chair and watch that smug smile fall off her face. But I would never be that cruel-maybe.

Regardless the situation at hand was still playing out before my eyes. Matthew was still crying, and I still have no idea what to do. Might as well take initiative here, I got up off of Eli's lap and started towards the twins.

I tried my best to act like I was just now seeing this, but Alfred didn't so much as glance at me.

"Hey, Alfred, do you wanna talk? Or would you rather you and Matthew have sometime alone?"

He sighed, got up, and hugged me.

In that moment my brain didn't, or rather couldn't register anything. It didn't register when I hugged him faster than the speed of sound, or even the fact I could think at all. All I did was hug him and forget how to exist.

Without letting go I asked, "What happened? Why is Mattie crying? Are you okay?" He lifted his head up and sighed, "God, what isn't wrong right now?" I let my head fall in shame, why did I ask such a dumb question, 'Are you okay?' Of course he's not okay, his brother is crying and his parents are probably still fighting.

"I'm sorry, I asked the wrong question, didn't I?" He patted me my head and smoothed over my hair, "No silly, it's just that, I-I just don't want you to be worried about me-" I cut him off, "I'm always worried about you stupid, you're as careful as wearing roller blades on a treadmill." I hit his chest with the side of my fist but, as I did, everything got blurry-I was tearing up.

"How bad was it this time?" Alfred took a very-and I mean very-deep breath. "It's still going, but Peter is now just... barely holding on."


	4. Doxophobia

**Doxophobia-Fear of expressing opinions or receiving praise**

Please, just no-eternally no. I've been expecting this but, how could I be fully prepared? It's like looking at a train while on the tracks knowing the outcome, but when the train hits you, it hits harder then if it was filled with bricks.

"Should we go see him, should we see if everything is settled down by now?" He turned his head to look at Matthew, to see he was better; thanks to Eli who was talking to him and calming him down, mostly.

"I guess it would be good to check on Peter,just, I don't think we should go, just yet is all." I tried making a solution, "Yeah, maybe only we should go, is that... okay?"

I don't know why but, I feel like crying, I feel tired and I just want to sleep. I keep my head to the ground as Alfred starts to speak but I'm surprised I can still hear him. "Hey Tino, let's go check on Peter. You okay?" I put my hand on my forehead and speak in a whisper tone, "Um yeah, let's just, go check on him." I walked, or stumbled, forward a few steps before Alfred grabbed my hand and led the way forward.

"Hey why are you holding my hand?" My half-dead mind spoke for me, not a wise choice. "Because you look like you're literally a zombie, and I can't handle anymore emotional problems or dead people right now!" His below yelling voice knocked my sleeping mind awake a little bit but, it would take and 8 hours of sleep at least to fix the damage.

I rubbed my forehead again, "Yeah, I'm sorry, I don't know what's wrong with my head." He lead me through the momentous dining room and into the hallway still by the hand. "It's fine, I understand it affect everyone Tino." I felt bad for making him say that, he should be the one I comfort, not the other way around; Though he probably wouldn't accept any help, it would make him feel as if he were being pitied by everyone around him.

Alfred keeps pulling me forward down the extremely brightly lit hallway-I swear do they want me to go blind? As we're getting closer to the pediatrics ward, I heard distant yelling of a man and woman-who I could presume to be Dr. Kirkland and Ms. Bonnefoy. The yelling got louder and the speech got clearer as we inched forward to Peter's room. It became very clear that the fight was not over either.

When we got closer to his room I could hear what they were saying, "I don't give a bloody fuck, he is _my_ son, if he can live longer I will make it happen!" I heard crying, "Don't let him suffer anymore!"

We got to Peter's door and saw Dr. Kirkland and Ms. Bonnefoy in nearby hallway where they couldn't see us. We moved swiftly and speedily into Peter's room, thanks to Alfred dragging me in by the hand at the speed of sound.

Peter was sleeping softly in his bed, his chest rising up and down quietly and gently with no sound- the room had no sound other than Peter's light breathing. "He's been losing more and more of his movement skills lately, and... he's been breathing lighter and dimmer each time he goes to sleep." He teared up with the last couple of words as he grip grew tighter along with it. My grip grew in response as came the welling of tears in my eyes.

This is the last time I'll probably see him before switching my hospital gown for a suit. I don't want it to be that way, to be formal around him. He's a little boy who I could be a little kid around him and be genuinely joyful. I almost started balling at the thought, it hurts seeing a kid like this, I-we need to get Matthew and Eli before it's too late to say goodbye but, I'm afraid to even talk right now. I can't-

"Hey we should um-get the uh, others. Okay?" I rubbed my sleeve across my face and looked up at him, "Yeah, sure." I walk forward and out of the room before running out of the hallway so Alfred's wouldn't see me-I'm pretty sure he did too.

We ran through the dining room and out a nearby door and saw that Matthew and Eli were talking casually, as if nothing was wrong.

"Guys! Come with us!" They both looked up like a deer in headlights. I grabbed the handlebars on Eli's wheelchair and likewise Alfred knowingly grabbed Matthews hand as we led them into the hospital.

"Whoa-"

"Peter."

They both went dead quiet as we moved closer to the room, the fight was still going on so we sneaked into the room as quickly and quietly as possible.

We all stopped dead in our tracks and looked at Peter who was sleeping so softly it almost seemed he wasn't moving. He was the only thing that was heard in that room besides the heart monitor that was beeping at a set rate that counted each second of the dead silence that we endured. The sound of Ms. Bonnefoys heels clicking down the hall knocked us all out of our daze and we all hid as best as we could. Eli just wheeled behind the couch and we set her down-we all hid behind the couch, original, I know.

Ms. Bonnefoy stepped in the room followed by Dr. Kirkland but, they weren't yelling in fact, they were just as silent as we were when we entered the room-how they didn't notice us I have no idea. I guess Peter just had that affect on people. They sat down on the chairs next to Peters bed and stayed quiet. There was tension in the room you could cut it with a knife. I looked up over the frame of the couch and this time saw them just sitting there staring at Peter. Their eyes were less staring than blanking out, as if they were in their minds rather than reality.

Peter blinked his eyes several times before opening them and starting to speak, "Mama? Papa? I thought you guys left." I sit back down behind the couch, we all gave each other frantic looks of terror for what was going to happen next.

"No honey, we just had to talk about what's going to happen soon." Ms. Bonnefoy spoke in a gentle and Peter became filled with excitement, "Really?! What's going to happen?!" We all grimaced at his delight and how sadly ironic it was.

Dr. Kirkland spoke gently as well to Peter, "Something serious is about to happen. Now I'm going to ask you a serious question. Okay?" Peter questioned curiously, "Papa what's wrong?" Dr. Kirkland spoke gently and cautiously, "Peter you haven't been able to do much lately because-" Peter interrupted, "I'm going to die." I covered my mouth to stop myself from gasping out loud.

"Papa, I've known for a while. I just didn't ever get sad because everyone is always so happy." I looked to the left and saw Matthew crying and to the right Alfred and Eli were in shock.

"Mama, I didn't ever want anyone to be sad, people look better smiling then crying." He did it for us. He's just a kid and he knew he was going to die yet, he smiled. "Papa, I don't have that much time left, do I?" I held back my urge to ball my eyes out until they became dehydrated of my misery.

"No buddy, you don't, a week at maximum and a day at minimum." Matthew started to ball, I held his hand to comfort him but, the thing was, he made no sound when he cried. It was just normal but, I guess, just for him. I held his hand to try to offer some comfort, he looked up at me with a smile that said, "Thank you." His eyes said, "I'm not okay."

"It's okay, I'm okay with dying. You should be okay with it too." Our grips grew tighter simultaneously. "But it isn't fair if I don't say goodbye to my friends. Tino and Eli will be upset plus Alfred and Matthew are my brothers so they'd be really upset." Dr. Kirkland spoke with a reassuring joy in his voice. "Yeah, they would, Mama and I will go get them. Okay?" Ms. Bonnefoy spoke with a shaky tearstained voice, "Yeah, I think they're in the dining hall."

I heard a click of the door and echoed steps down the hall until no sound could be found by my ears.


	5. Agoraphobia

**Agoraphobia-Fear of places that may cause panic, helplessness, or embarrassment.**

"What do we do now?" Eli whispered to me in terrified quiet voice, "They obviously won't find us, so do we just come out and tell Peter we were here this whole time?"

What could we do? If we did come out from behind the couch, would Peter be surprised? Scared? Sad that we heard what he said, or that one of us was crying?

"Maybe we should just go out there and say hi?" Eli sarcastically retorted back at me, "Hi, we heard you have a very personal conversation in which you said you were going to die but, actually we were faking our smiles the entire time."

 _"La, La La, La La."_ Peter staring to sing a tune I sang to him whenever his parents were fighting and his brothers weren't around. I would sing it to him when he was upset. _"La, La La, La La."_ I heard little footsteps as his feet possibly hit the ground. "One foot forward, n-now the other." He was trying to walk, I heard the slapping of his feet against the cold tile. I heard a few rushed steps followed by a push on the couch and a small groan from Peter. "Ow."

"I wish I could walk but, I guess it doesn't matter now really. I wonder what the others are doing right now." He talked to himself aloud bored yet waiting for someone to add for excitement.

"Probably with Eli in the kitchen, she likes it there. They could be outside, Tino likes it when it's raining or cloudy. Alfie is always with Tino and Mattie is usually with Eli, or Alfred." I turned a slight shade of pink and Matthew snickered. "What was that?" Peter became suspicious. My heart froze in terror, literally as well since I have heart palpitations. I heard the slightest move off the couch as Matthew gripped my hand harder than a stress ball.

"One foot, other foot. Right, left." Peter edged his way around the corner of the couch but, with his eyes watching his feet. "Right, left." His head popped up when he saw our feet and he looked at us in shock and surprise, but not the good kind of it. "Hey Peter." I spoke as if nothing serious had just happened a minute ago. "Did you hear everything?" He started tearing up with the last few syllables. I quickly stood up and rushed to Peter and wrapped one arm around him the other smoothing his hair, "It's fine if we heard okay? We don't hate you and we never will. We can't hate you because to all of us, you're our little brother. Even Eli and I. We love you just as much as any family member."

I held him against me and proceeded to smooth over his shirt on the back to calm him down, "It's fine, it's fine." I looked down to the three still on the ground wide-eyed and horrified. I mouthed, "What do I do?" I got three worried shrugs and no answers. "Do you wanna go lay down Peter?" He nodded his head against my chest, "Okay." I led him back to his bed and helped him climb back in and under the covers. The others came out from behind the couch, Alfred sat on the couch immediately while Matthew carried and set Eli on the couch next to him.

"Why are you all here?" Peter choked out through his weeping. "Well sorry we wanted to visit a kid on his deathbed." Eli mumbled loudly followed by Matthew flicking her arm. "Ow! Fuck you Mattie!" Eli whined at Mattie followed by another flick to the arm from him, "Language."

I boosted myself onto the foot of the bed as Peter began to giggle to himself. All of us besides Peter went silent as we listened to his small laughter, I guess he picked up on our confusion. "It's funny how you guys are always silly yet something not silly at all just happened. That's all." I just sat there, my mind grasping at straws that couldn't put together what I needed to say.

"Peter, I have a question." I stared out past the couch and out the window at the darkening clouds. "If you knew all this time you were going to die, how were you so strong? Sure smiling in front of one person takes strength but, you stayed strong in front of anyone and everyone, no matter how bad it got. How?"

"Tino, I'm not strong. I just wanted to be like all of you." His tears flooded back into his eyes as I turned to face him, he lunged forward at me and cried into my lap. Meanwhile everyone on the couch was in a state of confusion on what just happened. Their faces just spoke, "What. Do. I. Do?"

Our hearts all stopped too quick when we heard the distinct sound of Ms. Bonnefoy's heels. I whispered in a straight to the point tone, "Get behind the couch now, Peter pretend to be asleep." Alfred disagreed , "Why?" I spoke quickly, "Would you like to explain to your parents that we were in the same room and how we heard their deep conversation with their child?" He rushed to meet the others, "Fair point."

"What should I do?" Peter perked up to look at me, "Just pretend to be asleep and if you can't just say you're tired. Okay?" He nodded his head, got up, and layed down comfortably on the bed, "Okay."

I rushed behind the couch just a couple seconds before the door opened. "Hey Peter, how are you doing?" Ms. Bonnefoy spoke in a small shaky voice, like a person afraid of their own shadow. "I'm really tired, I'm gonna got to sleep." Peter seemed convincing enough, which worked in our favor. "Okay Peter, we'll see you in the morning." Ms. Bonnefoy's voice became even more shaky. She knew that the next morning she would see him, but he wouldn't see her.

"Night mama, night papa." Dr. Kirkland spoke now, "Goodnight Peter, sweet dreams." The door clicked shut and we waited until the sound of clicking tile became too distant to hear.

A sigh escaped each of us in unison before we went back to our seats. "What should we do now?" Peter questioned us full of confusion. "I honestly don't know but, tomorrow won't be easy to wake up to." I spoke without thinking and got an expected reaction from the others.

"Well, if that's right, we could do something fun." Peter interjected followed by an idea from Alfred, "Hide and seek?" Eli's sarcasm went off the charts, "Yes, wheelchairs are the perfect gear for hiding quickly."

"Okay maybe we can't play hide and seek-" Eli scoffed, "but we can read a story to pass the time. I mean it's about 7:00 or so and Peter's bedtime is at 10:00." Eli turned to me. "They're gonna be looking for us, you know that. Right, Tino?!"

"What?"

"Yeah we know", Peter interjected. "I said I wanted to see you guys, so they're probably trying to find you guys and bring you here-" Alfred jumped in, "And if they don't find us they'll get suspicious."

"If dad found out we were hiding he'd yell at all of us as bad a fight with mom probably." Matthew finished the thought. "Why would he be angry?" I questioned, it sounds absurd. "Because he, um, doesn't like either of you." Matthew gestured toward Eli and me. "That-"

I got cut off by the door being opened quickly and slamming into the nearby wall. It was Dr. Kirkland.

"Outside. Now!"


End file.
